Maybe I'm a Loser, Maybe I'm a Rapper

Deep exhale. I'm home. Deep breath. I hunger for home, but never stay."Could I have been a parking lot attendent?" It's strange to picture yourself in the exact place that you are. Not looking back on my late nights in La Fortuna, praying for a bright eruption (taking for granted that I was at the base of an active volcano). Not looking forward on my upcoming internship at the heritage center.

I guess this is the greatest thing I would change about myself: appreciating the now, understanding the then and I guess just being thankful for even the possibility of tomorrow.But don't be fooled, this life has been beautiful, but I have given up certain things, sacraficed certain human attributes that are generally desired. I don't sit still. I don't even wait along enough to see what could happen. You told me I'd be thirty when I finally married, maybe in Egypt you said. Is that what I want?

I am back from Costa Rica. It's incredible to be with family again and see the best of the best in friends. I am a bit saddened by the surrealism of the whole experience. This always happens. I come home expecting people to want to hear my stories, to see pictures, to talk about the places i've seen. But it's not their fault, they kept living, their experiences are no less important than mine. It's just hard...I'm leaving again, which I want, which I need to do. But I ask myself, why is there this need? What about me has me convinced that I am so entitled to all this? I guess I'm just hoping there is a greater...dare I say...purpose. It's been rad, epic, beautiful. But it's meant to be shared, and not just through photos and souvenirs.

That's my attempt at reflection, something that I have been trying to figure out how to do for a while now. Now that I'm back I'd like to make this whole buisiness a bit more frequent. To keep it going I'll add a music aspect. A song or an album I find interesting. Maybe the occasional idea as to how it would fit into a movie. I think that's what I want to do with my life, pick songs for films.My sister played "Wednesday (contra la puerta)" by Mike Doughty for me the other day in the car. He sings my favorite song ever, a cover of "Real Love" and this song has the same sort of movement and sweetness to it. His lyrics are goofy which I admire. Give it a listen yourself:

Golden Delicious album by Mike Doughty on MySpace Music - Free Streaming MP3 Album Song Tracks

And for added fun listen to "Yawn at the Apocolypse" by Andrew Bird. Never has a song been better titled. I will be using this song in an epic film someday.