i can't be political

i suck at it...

It's always made me feel pretty dumb that I have no solid political affiliation and have no desire to discuss politics or take a side on an issue. Of course I have my opinions, but I don't want to argue with you about them (unless it's about culture, haha).

Thinking about high school brought up some memories about certain people. This one ridiculous person who I've been thinking about a lot lately. He was a big fan of making people feel dumb...very good at arguing :) It didn't seem to bother me though.

I am, however, very good at being random. I just downloaded a Band of Horses song and I am madly in love. "No One's Gonna Love You" is magical. 

"Anything to make you smile..."

...wow, the girl behind that lyric is very lucky. I am so overwhelmed by all the music out there. It's exciting to think about all the amazing sounds I haven't heard yet. I get bored with most bands...they all sound like each other. But then a great band comes along. They may not be that talented, but they know how to make an interesting sound. I love Loney, Dear. The song "The Battle of Trinidad and Tobago" is perhaps one of the most beautiful songs I've ever heard. 

"I've been a loser and I've been a fool over you..."

The lyrics are exhaustingly boring, but if you put yourself in the right mindset you'll be consumed by the meaning behind the song. I think it's a bit extreme to say you've been to heaven and hell over someone. I mean, I know what it feels like to like someone soooo much that you feel the extremes of every emotion...but come on...heaven and hell? well, to each there own. I do love loney, dear. A very interesting sound. 

I saw Juno tonight. Not to be an overly pretentious hipster, but I loved it. The music was brilliant first off. So simple, the lyrics are so cute...oh geez. And the movie itself was adorable. The actress did a great job but her image was scarred in my mind to some degree after seeing her in Hard Candy...creepster. It was a lovely film regardless, and I want to the soundtrack. 

"I'm in love with how you feel..."

YOUR LIFE IS AN OCCASION. RISE TO IT.

Tonight they featured the new Radiohead song "Reckoner" from their amazing album "In Rainbows" on a CNN special about heroes. This particular story was about the heroes of Virginia Tech. It was truly amazing to me what these students did to protect each other and ultimately to save each other's lives. It makes me wonder if I could have done the same thing when the time came to make that choice. Curl up in the corner, cry and take what came...or act, make a difference, potentially die for others. It's scary that it's something that we even have to think about as such young adults. Our world and all its chaos and evil has made these decisions a reality. 

Hearing the way the song was incorporated into the documentary was truly an inspiration. Music really adds something special. 

When I was driving today I was thinking about what makes me human. What gives me a soul. What proves my humanity. Here's my list...

1.) The feeling I get when I worry about the ones I love.

2.) The way a hug from my mama feels.

3.) Missing people so much it hurts.

4.) A good kiss (es).

5.) The emotion a good song can bring.

6.) Tears from watching a movie.

7.) Excitement and fear in general.

There is so much more, but these are all things I've experienced recently and been spending a lot of time thinking about. It feels so good to be alive.

Here's a movie quote that for some reason really got to me today:

"YOU'RE LIFE IS AN OCCASION. SO RISE TO IT."

isn't that amazing? I love it. Life is beautiful. There is so much evil in this world, and yet we can overwhelm that evil with good. with humanity. with love. 

God bless the victims and family's from today's and last night's shootings. I can't imagine your sorrow. My prayers are with you. God is with you.

So scared of getting older. I'm only good at being young.

I take on the mood of the music I'm listening to. I have no reason to be anything but happy right now, but for some reason John Mayer is making me depressed. I suppose I do have a bit of a reason to be upset right now. Everyone I know is either jamming out to, or will be jamming out to, RJD2, Iron & Wine (Can you jam out to him?) or the Photo Atlas. Here I am pouting, sitting here, hoping no one comes to ask for something.

I have so much work to do but find very little motivation available at 8:30 p.m. on a Saturday night. Instead I'm going to listen to John Mayer and think very deep thoughts. I can relate so much to "Stop This Train." Life is moving too fast. Everyone is changing. I thought I liked change, but it actually scares me. Especially my own changes. I'm so busy all the time and then I have these moments where I stop and just say "Man, I'm in College." When did this happen? When did I actually make it all the way through middle school and high school? What happened to all my friends? Where did my family go?

The line that has made me cry more times than am willing to admit is:

"Once  in a while when it's good, it will feel like it should. And they're all still around and you're still safe and sound. And you don't miss a thing till you cry when you're driving away in the dark."

I've had so many of those moments. Especially when it comes to my family. It's so hard to let them go...

I'm OK now. I'm listening to "Clarity" which is a bit on the happier side. Plus there as awesome jazzy moment that my brother and sister and I used to all stop and blast every time we heard it on the radio. Damn I miss them more than anything. 

"Did I sail through or drop my anchor down?"

Well... maybe I will try and do some work... maybe I'll stop and think about how much fun life is right now. So much fun, so exciting... I'm incredibly blessed.

I'm a Modern Girl, But I Fold in Half So Easily When I Put Myself in the Picture of Success

CHACO CANYON...my favorite inspiration

Tonight is the first night in an incredibly long time that I don't have homework. I couldn't be more excited. What better to do than create a blog? I'm still challenging myself to think and be creative and yet no one can give me a grade for what I write in this box. I just got done with two different work shifts for two different jobs. First, I made a ridiculous amount of copies from this book that documents an excavation sight my advisor/hero is working on. It's called the Ur Excavations. Pretty exciting stuff. I agreed to do some copying and data entry to help her out and add to my continuously depleted bank account. I also did a bit of copying at my second job, but mostly I looked through piles of music programs for a description of Mozart's Requiem. no luck. 

It's strange being so overwhelmed but realizing you are going to be OK. In the end all of this stuff is helping me and I really do enjoy everything I do. I wouldn't be happy if I wasn't busy. I thrive off of being overwhelmed. I feel awkward when I'm not busy. 

Life is lovely right now though. I find out more about myself everyday...some good things, some bad. It's good though, because it gives me a chance to improve, or at least to accept who I am. I love my friends, adore my family, and am enjoying all of possibilities in my life. My main goal is to get through this block without ruining my GPA, and without ruining the very real possibilities. 

The song "Crazy Love" by Van Morrison is track number 1 on the soundtrack to my life. I couldn't love that song more.